Day nineteen continued

It's snowing. Awesome. I love snow.

I attended the Bikram yoga class today. It was great. I was slightly faint during the process of straightening up after bending over. Otherwise, I felt fine. I was very tired afterwards though. I took Jeanae to lunch at Whole Foods (at which I had a cup of decaffeinated green tea and purified water), and then came home and crashed. I slept about 2 hours.

I had a difficult time going to sleep. My mind is very active after yoga. I can feel my consciousness moving from place to place within my brain (visual cortex, auditory cortex, temporal lobe). I seem hyper aware of my body. I can feel every hair on my skin. I hear every sound. I focus on the strange colored display that either my eyes or my brain show me when my eyes are closed in a dark room. An interesting wavelike action of colored concentric circles, moving slowly and gently across the center of my vision.

Eventually, I resorted to relaxation exercises. I have used these for years to overcome pain in my body. You may be aware of this maneuver. You relax your feet, then your shins, then your thighs, and so forth, until you end up centered on the space between your eyebrows. Once that is relaxed, your entire body feels like it is floating.

Normally, I fall asleep far before then. This time, though, I actually did relax my entire body multiple times (I start over every time I move). I came to an incredibly relaxed state, similar to what I have been able to achieve when hypnotized. (Yes I have had hypnotherapy several times.) I then drifted into a deep, healing sleep.

I was awakened, as usual, by itching. As I warned you, the effect of Bikram on the skin is temporary. However, if you can get complete relief from incessant itching for even a few hours by engaging in an otherwise healthy activity, that's a win. I woke up completely at about 3 p.m. this afternoon with a nagging, annoying itching on the posterior aspect of my scrotum. This is a particularly nasty and annoying area of my body. Since it is usually covered in clothing and folded into other parts of my body, it is fully involved with psoriasis. Since I have been on the diet, this activity has been reduced somewhat, but it is definitely not gone.

Finding further sleep impossible, I arose and discovered to my delight that a steady wet snow is falling. It's sticking too. Wonderful! Like I said, I love snow.

Presently, I feel pretty good. The queasiness of the last fast is not present this time. If I did not know that I was fasting, I would think I was just a bit hungry. I suspect that will pass.

I did dream about food again, though. As you may recall, the last time I fasted, I had many dreams about unhealthy food. This time it was chocolate. I love chocolate. I have not touched the stuff (other than a few bites of a vegan chocolate mousse Ruth got at Whole Foods) since the dietary changes began on 1/1/08. I guess I still miss it.

My friend Ray told me of the spiritual benefits from eating and fasting in this way. Basically, you overcome your carnal desires through the exercise of discipline. In the process, you become stronger and better able to withstand temptations, not only from food, but also from other areas of your life. Things like lust, impatience with other people, sloth, procrastination, and the like. By being in control of your diet, you become psychically stronger. In the process you become a better person.

I don't know if that is happening or not. It is way too subjective a process for me to evaluate any such spiritual progress I may or may not be making. But I certainly do know that my subconscious mind is dealing with letting go of addictions to things like chocolate and red meat which have burdened my soul for many years. Hence the dreams of things like dense, rich chocolate cake. Lindt truffles, etc. All dangled before my eyes by my dreaming subconscious mind.

More later. For now, I will relax for the rest of the day, maybe watch a movie, drink some water, read The China Study, and continue to fast.